Critical Thinking

I seem to have a big problem with thinking critically. I remember seeing somewhere that this was a symptom of Asperger's. It's strange, however. I am usually good at thinking about things logically and coming to a good conclusion that sounds right to me, but i usually take the ideas and opinions from someone else. For instance, whenever someone asks me to go see a movie or ask me if a movie is bad or good, i will already have an opinion on it because i saw the score on Rotten Tomatoes. This automatically becomes my stubborn opinion. After this, it is very hard for me to change my mind about it. I can even trace most of my liberal leaning political beliefs to seeing Fahrenheit 9/11 in 2004. I became a full-fledged liberal after that, without even questioning the sources. Suffice to say, i made a lot of people mad with my manufactured opinions. I usually just accept things as facts. Most of the time, i don't know if someone is lying or presenting skewed information. This has also bled into my social life in a way.

I think i may have been deceiving myself at times for just picking up any opinion and making it my own. However, when it comes to questions of logic, i can be very formative in my unique opinions. It's things like movies, art, music, books, politics, and other things that are tied in emotion that i often have to steal an opinion for. I believe in evolution because it makes sense to me than creationism. I believe in socialism because it makes more sense to me than capitalism. But i cannot really tell you if a movie or book is good, i don't have that clear of a definition of it. I really can't lie and it makes me nervous to try, but if someone asks me, "what do you think of [artwork, movie, book]?" I'll usually just say, "it's good", because i think that sounds better than "I don't know". This is why i hate it when people ask me after a movie whether i liked it or not.

I have had a few critical thinking classes in college, and i am surprised at how well i did in them. I always seem to write a paper that is really slanted because i just end up sticking with one opinion, putting an opposite opinion in the paper frustrates me. For Film Theory, i basically copied and pasted whole opinions on movies into my papers, but not literally. I remember when i tried to write film reviews for Netflix, it was horrible. First off, i have serious trouble paraphrasing anything. Second, I can't ever really form an opinion on a movie without looking to another source. Lastly, i can never make it passionate enough to be convincing.

Asperger's and Me

Back in February, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Before that i was self-diagnosed, and i always thought, because of being such a hypochondriac, that none of my self-diagnoses were true. Never have i thought that i would find a diagnosis that would fit me so well. I do not have every symptom of Asperger's Syndrome and i am very high functioning. Some of my symptoms are truly subtle, and others are incredibly challenging. Strangely, i started this blog because something i did made me realize how different i am from other fellow human beings. Well, now i know why.

Ever since i was little, at least six, I have had the worst troubling socializing with my peers. In fact, every day after kindergarten through at least 6th grade, i would start crying profusely if my mom didn't pick me up right away from school or sunday school. I would get nervous and shaky after each kid would leave and i would slowly be left alone. Luckily, from 1st to 4th grade i was homeschooled and i didn't have to worry about being separated from home. Most of my childhood is blurry, but for the most part i was happiest when i was at home and with my family. I had only a few friends during this time from ages 6-10, and most were temporary. I remember i once broke off a friendship with one of my closest friends for some reason and just let my brother be his friend. I really didn't see the point of friends back then, i mostly liked playing by myself. When i did spend time with friends, i really did not enjoy hanging around more than one or two at a time. Consequently, i had a huge fear about going to camps or belonging to a sports team. I really dreaded going to sunday school and vacation bible school.

When i finally went to a school, i was in 5th grade. It was a Christian school with small classes and a small student population, but i still suffered from humiliation and a lack of good social skills. The good thing about a private christian school is that if a principal sees some kids picking on another kid, he or she will straighten them out and so will their parents. Here i was in a good position. I was initially picked on, but after awhile kids began to let me into their circle of friends, albeit unwillingly. I attained a good group of friends, and for awhile, i was a happy kid. Again, it is really hard for me to remember this time and my social struggles. But i remember that i was seen as a shy, funny guy with a unique sense of humor. I wasn't very good at sports, but i joined a basketball team that lost every game, and i joined track where i came in last every time. I was very good at video games, and i can see that as something that was present everytime when i hung out with friends. When i got this group of friends, it was nearly impossible for me to make friends outside of this circle. When i reached middle school around the 7th and 8th grade, i felt myself becoming more and more of an outsider among my adolescent friends. I remember i used to punch people in the arm as a way of saying hello. Now, this was considered rude and mean, and i didn't know why. I isolated myself from the others, because i knew i could never fit in again. I felt like the more i withdrew, the more people would feel sorry for me and let me back in their group again. Unfortunately, this didn't work.